Support for abandoning violence

Violent behaviour is a learnt behaviour that can be abandoned. Giving up violent behaviour will make a positive difference to your life and the lives of those around you. To get help, contact the helpline 660 6077 or email [email protected] already today

Conflict is natural, but violence is not!

Conflicts and disagreements are a natural part of life. However, violent behaviour is a choice that harms you and the people around you. Violence is characterised by the other person being afraid of your behaviour and the pain it causes.

A large proportion of people who use violence do not do so in a premeditated manner. Often, they will say that they did not intentionally shout, threaten, push, hit or otherwise behave aggressively. Often, this has happened when the person has become angry, drunk alcohol, been tired or in another situation where stress is higher.

Ask yourself:

Have I acted in a threatening way, hit, pushed or intimidated someone?
Have I noticed that people close to me are afraid of me?
Have I felt like I was losing control of my behaviour?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, we suggest you seek counselling and find ways to take control of your behaviour.

Impact of violence

Violence harms all parties involved and often affects us for longer than we think. The longer abuse and violence go on, the harder it is to stop. Stopping abusive behaviour and improving the relationship requires you to understand how your behaviour affects other people. The better we acknowledge our own mistakes, the harder it is to mistreat another person in the future.

It is important to know that no justification or excuse can diminish the harmful effects of violence or undo what has already been done. However, it is wise to acknowledge what you have done, to understand the impact, to decide to change your behaviour and to take responsibility for your behaviour every following day. Take this caring step! Please also know that it is normal to feel shame and guilt in situations where we admit actions we regret to ourselves. By acknowledging these feelings, we can make safe choices and take responsibility for what we have already done.

Violence is not just a physical act. Even if you do not hit the other person, the consequences of mental violence and abuse can be physically felt. For example, it can cause tension, difficulty sleeping, panic attacks, nausea and fatigue. Abuse often leads to stress, vulnerability, feelings of guilt, depression, fear and confusion, nervousness, worthlessness and humiliation.

Children who have grown up in a family with a violent parent (even if the direct violence was only between partners) experience more negative emotions, are more likely to engage in self-harming behaviour, and are more likely to be victims or perpetrators of violence in the future.

Alcohol and violence

If you or someone you care about has told you that your violence is linked to alcohol use, it is important that you take immediate steps to reduce drinking alcohol or stop it altogether. More information at www.alkoinfo.ee.

How to stop violent behaviour?

Just as the worsening of violent behaviour is a long process, it often takes time to get out of it. But the important thing is that you can make the decision and take responsibility right now. This does not mean that you are forbidden to feel angry or frustrated – you now have a choice about how to deal with that feeling safely.

It helps if you realise that your behaviour is your choice. Blaming others for your own actions helps no one. Making the decision to change your behaviour is critical, but it is always worth seeking help to make it easier to maintain safe and non-violent behaviour.

Where to get help to stop violent behaviour?

There are a number of specialists ready to support you in abandoning violent behaviour. Find the opportunity that is right for you and contact a specialist already today. A counsellor will hear you out, and together you can find the right path to a life free from violence.

Abandoning violence helpline 660 6077

On the abandoning violence helpline, we offer initial counselling if you are worried about your behaviour. Our counsellor will hear you out, and together you can find the next step. Counselling is free of charge, and we also offer the possibility of a face-to-face or Skype meeting, if needed.

Our counsellors can be reached on 660 6077 from 10–16 on working days. If calling is not suitable, please email [email protected].

Group and individual counselling on abandoning violence is offered by

MTÜ Vaiter – social programme ‘Women without violence’, social programme ‘Caring fathers’ and individual counselling in all districts in Estonian, Russian and English
SA EELK Perekeskus – social programme ‘Inner confidence’, social programme ‘A journey without hitting’ and individual counselling in all districts in Estonian and Russian, and in the Northern District also in English
MTÜ Hingekeel – social programme ‘Inner confidence programme for women’ in the Southern District in Estonian, individual counselling in the Northern District in Estonian and English and in the Southern District in Estonian, Russian and English
MTÜ Sotsiaalne Kaasatus – individual counselling in Estonian in the Northern District and in Estonian, Russian and English in the Southern and Western districts
Valge Lootus OÜ (counsellors Kristina Timmusk, Kätlin Servet, Jelena Nikitina) – individual counselling in the Southern District in Estonian, Russian and English, and in Estonian and English in the Western District
Herta Eesti OÜ (counsellors Lenne Rätsep, Meelis Kukk) – individual counselling in Estonian in the Northern and Eastern districts
ProVida Kliinik OÜ – individual counselling in the Southern District in Estonian and English